Eva

Prince William's would-be paramour, Eva, has sent me - or, should I say, Prince William - three messages. Eva implores HRH to contact her and be her best chum. Chump, more like. Just who do you think Timothy Belmont is, Eva? I have no connections at all, tenuous or otherwise, with the second-in-line to the Throne.

I intercepted Eva's messages and deleted them. Sorry, Eva.